Children's Behavior At Different Age

   

Behavior Of A Newborn Child (Birth to one month)

     

Every newborn has a personality of her own. Hence no two newborns are the same, although all of them like to be cuddled and have their need to feel loved satisfied. It is helpful to know that  some of them fuss more than others. They seek more attention, sleep less and cry more. Father's also need to lend a helping hand  in such a situations. Some children  find a male voice more soothing and comforting.

Behavior Of AN Infant (First Year)

        

At about 3 months, child recognizes her mother well. She likes to have adults and children dote  on her and obliges them with a real broad smile. In a joint family, She will respond amiably towards the other members. Between 3 and 6 months, she starts becoming aware of strangers. She may not respond to their overtures, or may even start crying as soon as she sees them. Consequently she expects her parents, especially her mother, to be around.

At times the mother may feel that the baby is taking advantage of her goodness, let it be so.  The care that you give her at this age will stand her in good stead later in life. She is start trusting people, will cherish your care and in turn, learn to care lovingly for others.

Before she completes one year, your child will indicate that she wants to eat by her self. She will make a serious effort to do so, and end up making quite a mess in the process. You may be tempted to come to her help. She may resist you, but after some time, she may give up and start depending on you to help her eat. You will probably not realize that by doing this, you are sowing the seeds of dependency in her.

Behavior Of A Toddler (1 to 3 Years)

      

Between 1 -2 years your 'angel baby' may start behaving like a 'little devil'. She is now entering a phase of 'negativism', when she tends to do the opposite of what you want her to do. This is healthy, as it indicates that the child is beginning to develop her own personality. It is her way of telling you that you can't 'bully' her all the time, although her seemingly rebellious behavior can often be vary annoying. She may refuse to share her possession with others. She may be fearful. She worries if she does not  see you for long and clings to you when you come back. All this is normal.

It will help you accept your 'angel-cum-devil' as an individual with her own distinct personality and out of this acceptance will follow tender, loving care. You should set limits. A broad framework of do's and don't's is good for her in the long run. Firmness will come naturally to you. Off course you will feel hopeless at times. However life after 3 years is going to be  comparatively easier for you and your child.

Effectively managing the behavioral changes :

    

• The good news is that the toddler wants to please you. She also wants to imitate you. The best approach is therefore to set a good example while she follows you and tries to win your approval.
• Reward good behavior. This could be with a smile, or hug  or plenty of praise and attention.
• Use the method of distraction when she insist on touching something that she should not be handling or touching.This is preferably to shouting at her. Give her something more interesting. and divert her attention.
• When that does not work, start using the precious word 'No'. Say 'No' in a firm, matter of fact way whenever needed and required. Let there be no harshness, bitterness or sarcasm in the tone of your voice. Do not keep saying 'No' all the time.
• Let there be few practical and realistic rules that the child can understand. Be consistent. Make sure that the child observe the set rules. Parents and grandparents must not have differing viewpoint.  Let the child understand that a  'No' means 'No'. First she won't be sure of your command. When she does associate your consistent 'No' with the expected prohibition, she will gradually start accepting the limits to which she can go.
• Show approval when she listens to your instructions. Ignore minor offenses, but if she is putting herself into a dangerous situation, act fast to move her away with a firm 'No' and ensure her safety.
• Your one year old infant may not understand the concept of danger. As she crawls about or learns to walk, she may want to put her fingers into the electric socket, pull down the table lamp or the table cloth. She may want to put everything that comes a way into her mouth. In the process of touching new objects, she is learning about different shapes, sizes and textures. She is learning to coordinate her hand and mouth activity. As long as she does not harm herself or harm others in the process her natural instinct to explore must not be curbed or stifled. Keep breakable items out of her reach. A few things that she is not supposed to touch may be kept away, so that you can teach  her the meaning of  'No'. However, make sure she has lot of things around the house that the sun touch and play with.
• At this age she may also throw things on the ground. This type of behavior does not necessarily mean that  she is been naughty or bad; she is learning the art of releasing objects and watching where they land.
• Do not be surprised  when she is afraid of strangers; she is in the process of learning to distinguish her near and dear ones from others. Advise visitors not to pounce on her the moment they see her, let the child observe the  new comers. She will watch them from the corner of her eye and asses them for a while. After some time, she may herself come close to them, or respond to their friendly gestures. If she does not, let them wait for another opportunity to gain her  hand in friendship. In case they have brought her a gift, let it be offered before  they leave. If she still remains  away from them , keep the gift on the table and draw her attention  to it.  The chances are that  she will pick it up  look at it for a while and then come out of her shell.
• At this age, children are normally afraid of sudden noises. The whistle of  the pressure cooker or the sound of vacuum cleaner may frighten them. This is normal. Do not become unduly anxious about these fears. Just calmly explain their source and after a couple of months, they will get over this fear. Similarly, your child may start shrieking the moment you pour water on her head. Take it easy. Let her sit in the bathtub in your presence. Pour water on her head or let her pour herself. If she is still afraid , let her watch  you bathing. Don't give her a head bath  for a few days; just pour a little water over her body . You may soon be able to help  her get over her fear. With such an approach, she is likely to come around faster than when you try to force the issue.

Thumb Sucking

Knowing a few facts might put you at ease if your child sucks his fingers or thumb o or even his toe. The habit is usually temporary and quite common in normal children. Sucking is a pleasant experience. If by chance, the child's finger or thumb goes into the mouth, he starts sucking it. The habit generally disappears by the time the child start eating solids.

If you do not like your child  sucking the thumb, start playing with him and gently take the thumb out from the mouth without making the child conscious of it. If you make an issue of it, especially between the age of nine months and 3 years, when the child is passing through a phase of negativism, you are likely to worsen situation.

Attend to any emotional factor : In some children this habit may persist because of some emotional problem. Make sure that your child gets enough body contact from you. Breastfeed children may also have this habit, though less often than artificially fed children.

Be extra careful about making a thumb sucking child feel secure. Give attention when he needs it. However you need not necessarily start feeling guilty if your child is sucking the thumb. Though emotional factors are to be kept in mind. Most children continue sucking their thumb as a habit.

How to break the habit ?

Gentle attempt to wean the baby from the habit of thumb sucking are preferable to aggressive ones. It is true that if the habit continues when the child starts  regular school, we should give extra attention to the problem. Forceful sucking can lead to  ulceration of the thumb.  and wrong alignment of the teeth.

When your toddler continues to suck, tell that he is no longer a baby, and he should now  leave the habit. Pat the child when he stops it. If he does it again, give a gentle reminder.  Most likely he will stop sucking the thumb during the day and later on, he might later stop at night.

Putting bitter medicine or a leucoplast on the thumb does not help much. The child may start sucking another finger. But discuss it with your child , if he is old enough to understand. If he feels that this remedy helps  to remind him not to suck, you may try it. 

Whatever you do make sure that you do not punish the child and put him to shame in front of others. Do your part in providing a secure environment. and discuss the problem with your doctor if the habit start getting on your nerves.

Behavior Of A Pre School Child (3 to 6 Years)

      

The good news is that with her third birthday, the terrible two's are officially over. Your child is now likely to be self centered, more helpful, more outgoing and friendly. she may even start seeing her mistakes. A pre school child also wants to  please her parents and tries to imitate them. This puts an extra responsibility on parents to live right and provide role models of healthy and happy living.

At 4 years your child will not be able to manage  her 'defiant' feelings and may appear rude and may even swear at you. Often her bad behavior is only to annoy you. Be calm and relaxed. But do not let her bully you.Teach her what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Be firm and consistent. By 5 years she will be better behaved.

Your child lets her imagination run wild, often playing games about  relationships and the places that you have visited as a family. She may keep asking you all sorts of questions of different subjects.  'Why does this happen'? 'Why'? 'What'? 'How?'

Children at this age may start taking more interest in their genitals and play with them -  what is not abnormal. They may ask why boys and girls are different from each other. or how babies come into this world. Your daughter may also seem attracted to her father, just as her brother is probably enchanted by his mother.

The parents must understand that their children's interest in playing with  the genitals or their attraction to someone of the opposite sex is normal. Question related to sex  must be answered in a matter of fact manner, without embarrassment and without giving unnecessary details. If you do not feel comfortable taking about sex ask a friend or teacher to talk to the child.

Parents must not allow children to manipulate one parents against the other. When the parents retain their individual identities and continue to show  love and respect for each other, children get the right signals from an early age. This helps them develop respect for human beings in general and the opposite sex in particular.

Behavior Of A School child (6 to 12 Years)

On joining regular school  your child is likely to become closer to his peers. They will probably influence his behavior more than you or your husband do. It is normal phase of development. Don't worry if your son starts taking less interest in  family activities. He wants to be more independent and socialize more with people of his own age.  When he joins the group of boys of his own age , he learns to lead and  to be lead.  He shares the responsibility and the groups workload. His group may be creative, but there is always a possibility of getting into undesirable activities.

By and large, an association with peers is good. Do not spy on your son's day to day activities. Do not read his personal diaries.  IT may please you to know that at this age the 'inner policeman' in him is more alert.  It starts nagging him when he is tempted to cross the limits of values set by your living and your interaction with him.

Instead of suspecting the 'evil' influence that other boys and girls  may have on your child  make an earnest attempt to know  his friends and their families. Invite them to your home. Do not be swayed  by their outward appearance. Treat them with respect. Do not pass critical comments.

Your job is to make sure that your child has enough time for his studies and at least some time for the family. Television watching may be rationed. Reach on agreement with him about the programmes that he can see. Regular sleeping hours must be maintained. Children need to have enough sleep at this age.They must therefore go to bed early.

It is important at this age to be in close contact with your child's class teacher. Do discuss his progress with her  and ask in what way you can play your part in helping him do better in his studies. Some parents push their children too hard to 'top' the class. Others just don't bother. Both extremes are not desirable. Teachers also have a major responsibility to help children become healthy and  happy adults. Your visits to the school will be helpful.. However do not be overanxious and start visiting your child's school every day. He will feel embarrassed and your interest is likely to prove counter-productive.

The question of pocket money comes up at this age. Give him an allowance, but not too large an amount.You can also set certain guidelines about what things your son should not buy with the allowance, say for example, junk food. Ultimately, however, he should be free to use it the way he likes.

Be careful not to criticize your child in front of others if you feel he is not coming up  to your expectations. Discuss the problem with your husband and jointly explore the possible ways of handling the situation.

Do not hesitate  to talk to a psychologist or a family counselor. I know of a  young boy who refused to go to school. The parents took him to a psychologist  who, on a probing deeper, found that the child was afraid of a bully in the school bus, that he admired his father for his skills in karate, and that he liked his school teacher   The parents meet the teacher, who than encouraged the boy to join karate classes.  His father started spending more time with  him. The bully was tackled. The boy become proficient in karate, improved in  his studies and ultimately developed a more robust personality.

Behavior Of During Adolescent(12 to 18 Years)

     

This is tumultuous age, difficult both for teenager as well as for those who have to interact with them. Rapid changes, both in physical and sexual growth, are taking place. By his behavior, he is hinting to you that  he is no longer a child and that he has become an adult. However, he often forgets that  he is still passing through a phase of transition and that he has not yet become a fully mature adult.

You may hear him say, 'leave me alone, I am no more a kid.' And yet deep within he may expecting you your cont nous guidance and support. His actions may declare, 'Get lost', yet he often wants his parents to be around and to be available  when he feels confused and is undecided about certain issues.

Girls who mature early are reported to be more prone to psychological  difficulty during their teenage years. Teenagers fretting over how they look  may have  the so-called 'Body Dysmorphic disorder', a severe preoccupation with an imagined or slight defect in appearance. This can lead some children to drop out of school and shun social contact. The cause of this condition is not known, although biological, psychological and socio -cultural factors are suspected.

How to handle a teenager

    

Gone are the days when a father could tell his son or daughter. In our days, we couldn't utter a word in the presence of our elders. How dare you speak to me like that ? It does not work. It perhaps did not work in those  days either; parents probably just force their children into submission. Such children either remain submissive throughout their lives or rebelled at the  first available opportunity.

Does it mean that parents  should not be firm with their growing children ? Should they be given full freedom to do anything they they like ? No !

The teenage is simply reminding us  to meet his emotional needs mentioned earlier.

• Remember that I am a young adult and not a little child any more.
• Treat me with love, respect and firmness.
• Help me assume responsibility for my own life.
• Set a good example for me, instead of harping on moral values and good conduct.
• When I want to talk to you, do spare the time to listen to me.

Understanding parents knows that periods like the phase of negativism (which may begin at 15 months of age or sometimes earlier and end at 3 to 4 years) and the period of adolescent,when understood well and handled properly, may in fact, bring their children closer to them.

To begin with, may rebel and start questioning your views about living. You may be fighting corruption at all levels. Your son will argue that it is not practical to e absolutely honest in the present social set up. Or he may try to defy you if you want him to come home early.. be patient. Continue to give him your love. This is part of growing up. The important thing for you is not to give up. If limits are required, remember the dictum, 'Your teenager will be upset in the long run, if you do not set the required limits.

Later on, your child may start ignoring you and start spending more time with his friends. Treat them with respect even if they are not dressed the way you expect boys from 'decent families' to be dressed. His interest in the opposite sex will now become more evident. You should be more aware that it is not uncommon for adolescent to experiment with cigarettes beer or sometimes even hard drugs.

Fortunately before your son enters the 20 s, he had already established close bonds with you and the family. He may finally start appreciating your rather 'conservative' views. He may like to spend more time with mom and dad and discuss his future and career. If he has younger teenage sister, he may suddenly become very protective towards her and keep reminding you to set appropriate limits for her. He may now be ready to listen to the voice of his own conscience, his 'inner policeman' that you told him not to develop any guilt feeling.Tell him about some of the mistakes that you have made in life, how you learnt from them, amends where you could, and continued to move forward.

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